Elena loves Matt. But sometimes, Elena doesn’t like him very much.
Part of it is Elena envying how certain Matt is of her future, when she does not know what she wants out of life. She knows she could keep following this safe, steady path, the path her parents followed, where she marries her high school sweetheart and gets a job and raises a family and never leaves the borders of Mystic Falls and it would be a good life.
But Elena doesn’t know if it’s a life she wants, and while she doesn’t want to hurt Matt, she’s not even sure of that much. It’s not fair. She should break up with him, but then she’d lose him, and part of her can’t bear that either. Even before the world tried to steal everything from her, Elena was a girl who couldn’t learn to let go. Still, she cracks under the pressure, picking a fight and deciding that she’s definitely not letting him take her home tonight.
The fight, at least, is enough for her to get away from him for a little while. She grabs a beer and stalks off into the woods, wanting to get some space to give herself a chance to calm down. She should call her parents, see if she can get a ride home—she’s suddenly in not so much a party mood. But she wants to give herself a chance to calm down first so they don’t worry about her sounding upset.
“You really shouldn’t be out here on your own.”
Elena spins around on her heel, beer sloshing, before looking up at Dean with wide eyes. “Dean, you scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to. But I also wouldn’t have been able to live with it if you got picked off by a wolf or something, so I figured it was worth the risk.”
She takes a breath to steady herself before taking another sip of her beer. Things with Dean had been different since that night in her father’s office. A grudging respect, an understanding between them that had made things somewhat easier. It’s dangerously close to friendship, or could be, if there wasn’t the traitorous part of her that entertained the idea of something more. “I’m fine. I just…needed some air.”
“Yeah, I saw.” Dean moves closer, closing the gap between them. “Seems like you and your boyfriend haven’t been getting along so well tonight.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes he gets on my nerves.”
“Huh. So Mr. Perfect isn’t that perfect after all.”
Elena rolls her eyes as he keeps moving closer, eyes darting around the trees as though he’s looking for something that might pop out of the background. “He just … wants things I’m not so sure I want.”
Dean raises an eyebrow. “Let me guess. White picket fence, two point five kids, living in the house that your parents buy for you on your wedding day—”
“You make it sound like a bad thing.”
“It’s not. Not really. But only if it’s what you want. But if it’s not what you want and not the people you want, then it’s probably the closest thing to actual torture.”
She glances over at him, finally recognizing something about his own opinions that actually resonates with her. She sighs, tipping her head back to look at the trees above them.
“I know I should break up with him. That I probably should have broken up with him a long time ago. But…he’s been my best friend since we were babies. Even if I don’t want to be with him, I still love him. I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“I don’t really think that’s something you can avoid, Elena.” Dean admits. “You can do it with kindness, but everyone gets hurt sometimes. That’s just how life is.”
And just like that, the moment of understanding is gone, because she’s grown up in the idyllic bubble of Mystic Falls her entire life. And while it’s not that she hasn’t seen the darkness or occasionally seen people get hurt, her life hasn’t been hurt and harm. She doesn’t want that to change.
“Why does it have to be? Maybe he’ll just realize what I’ve realized. That this isn’t working.”
“And if he doesn’t, then what?”
She turns to face him, and suddenly he’s too close. She should push him away, but part of her also feels like touching him might cross a line she can’t come back from. So her hands hover, just a breath away from the softness of his cotton shirt and she eventually, she says:
“I have a boyfriend, Dean.”
“That you don’t want.”
He’s not wrong, but: “He’s still my boyfriend. I won’t do this to him.”
He holds her gaze for a long moment, then takes a step back. She set the boundary, and he respects it. And she appreciates that more than she could ever say. “Well, your boyfriend took off with Tyler. That’s what I was originally coming down here to tell you. If you give me a minute to find Sam, I’ll take you home.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll just call my parents.”
In the months after, she’ll look back on this moment and wonder what would have happened if she had said yes. If she let him take her home, regardless of the consequences, that would have come with it. Even with Sam in the car, it still feels like crossing a line, regardless of whether Matt had abandoned her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He nods and takes a step back, heading towards the sound of the party. “Then at least come back to the rest of the group. I still don’t think you should be out here alone.”
Elena nods and follows him back up the path, pulling out her phone by the time she got to the top. And to think, she missed Family Night for this.
* * * * *
Elena doesn’t make it home that night. Her parents’ car goes over Wickery Bridge, and by the time she wakes up, the Winchesters are gone and she realizes just how much the world can hurt. She does all the things she should have done before, and the hurt only spreads outward, enveloping everything that Mystic Falls used to be, until it isn’t really a bubble anymore, isn’t safe anymore. And maybe that’s for the best.
But almost fifteen years later, Dean Winchester saunters into a gas station after her, and tilts her world off its access again, but this time it isn’t so scary to jump.
10/24 ~ is this safe? ~ everyone lives ~ 3,002 ~ part 2
Elena loves Matt. But sometimes, Elena doesn’t like him very much.
Part of it is Elena envying how certain Matt is of her future, when she does not know what she wants out of life. She knows she could keep following this safe, steady path, the path her parents followed, where she marries her high school sweetheart and gets a job and raises a family and never leaves the borders of Mystic Falls and it would be a good life.
But Elena doesn’t know if it’s a life she wants, and while she doesn’t want to hurt Matt, she’s not even sure of that much. It’s not fair. She should break up with him, but then she’d lose him, and part of her can’t bear that either. Even before the world tried to steal everything from her, Elena was a girl who couldn’t learn to let go. Still, she cracks under the pressure, picking a fight and deciding that she’s definitely not letting him take her home tonight.
The fight, at least, is enough for her to get away from him for a little while. She grabs a beer and stalks off into the woods, wanting to get some space to give herself a chance to calm down. She should call her parents, see if she can get a ride home—she’s suddenly in not so much a party mood. But she wants to give herself a chance to calm down first so they don’t worry about her sounding upset.
“You really shouldn’t be out here on your own.”
Elena spins around on her heel, beer sloshing, before looking up at Dean with wide eyes. “Dean, you scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to. But I also wouldn’t have been able to live with it if you got picked off by a wolf or something, so I figured it was worth the risk.”
She takes a breath to steady herself before taking another sip of her beer. Things with Dean had been different since that night in her father’s office. A grudging respect, an understanding between them that had made things somewhat easier. It’s dangerously close to friendship, or could be, if there wasn’t the traitorous part of her that entertained the idea of something more. “I’m fine. I just…needed some air.”
“Yeah, I saw.” Dean moves closer, closing the gap between them. “Seems like you and your boyfriend haven’t been getting along so well tonight.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes he gets on my nerves.”
“Huh. So Mr. Perfect isn’t that perfect after all.”
Elena rolls her eyes as he keeps moving closer, eyes darting around the trees as though he’s looking for something that might pop out of the background. “He just … wants things I’m not so sure I want.”
Dean raises an eyebrow. “Let me guess. White picket fence, two point five kids, living in the house that your parents buy for you on your wedding day—”
“You make it sound like a bad thing.”
“It’s not. Not really. But only if it’s what you want. But if it’s not what you want and not the people you want, then it’s probably the closest thing to actual torture.”
She glances over at him, finally recognizing something about his own opinions that actually resonates with her. She sighs, tipping her head back to look at the trees above them.
“I know I should break up with him. That I probably should have broken up with him a long time ago. But…he’s been my best friend since we were babies. Even if I don’t want to be with him, I still love him. I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“I don’t really think that’s something you can avoid, Elena.” Dean admits. “You can do it with kindness, but everyone gets hurt sometimes. That’s just how life is.”
And just like that, the moment of understanding is gone, because she’s grown up in the idyllic bubble of Mystic Falls her entire life. And while it’s not that she hasn’t seen the darkness or occasionally seen people get hurt, her life hasn’t been hurt and harm. She doesn’t want that to change.
“Why does it have to be? Maybe he’ll just realize what I’ve realized. That this isn’t working.”
“And if he doesn’t, then what?”
She turns to face him, and suddenly he’s too close. She should push him away, but part of her also feels like touching him might cross a line she can’t come back from. So her hands hover, just a breath away from the softness of his cotton shirt and she eventually, she says:
“I have a boyfriend, Dean.”
“That you don’t want.”
He’s not wrong, but: “He’s still my boyfriend. I won’t do this to him.”
He holds her gaze for a long moment, then takes a step back. She set the boundary, and he respects it. And she appreciates that more than she could ever say. “Well, your boyfriend took off with Tyler. That’s what I was originally coming down here to tell you. If you give me a minute to find Sam, I’ll take you home.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll just call my parents.”
In the months after, she’ll look back on this moment and wonder what would have happened if she had said yes. If she let him take her home, regardless of the consequences, that would have come with it. Even with Sam in the car, it still feels like crossing a line, regardless of whether Matt had abandoned her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He nods and takes a step back, heading towards the sound of the party. “Then at least come back to the rest of the group. I still don’t think you should be out here alone.”
Elena nods and follows him back up the path, pulling out her phone by the time she got to the top. And to think, she missed Family Night for this.
Elena doesn’t make it home that night. Her parents’ car goes over Wickery Bridge, and by the time she wakes up, the Winchesters are gone and she realizes just how much the world can hurt. She does all the things she should have done before, and the hurt only spreads outward, enveloping everything that Mystic Falls used to be, until it isn’t really a bubble anymore, isn’t safe anymore. And maybe that’s for the best.
But almost fifteen years later, Dean Winchester saunters into a gas station after her, and tilts her world off its access again, but this time it isn’t so scary to jump.