Stephanie Alvarez steps out of the chilly D.C. winter to the warmth of the Bureau of Capitalism. The lobby is full of people, all in varying stages of professional dress, chatting idly with each other as they wait. Adjusting the laptop bag on her shoulder, she wanders further into the room, eyes roaming each of the faces in search of familiar ones. She knows she’s not the only accountant tapped from her firm for the government’s year-end round-up.
She’s never actually participated in the “Christmas Rush,” as her boss likes to call it. Her stomach flutters with a funny rush of nerves and excitement as she looks around the room, picking out the veterans, some camped out on the corners already looking exhausted. Newbies seem to have the same jittery excitement she did, chatting with new colleagues, albeit temporarily, or old friends, depending. She’s wandering over to one of the surprisingly empty couches nearby when she hears her name break over the crowd.
“Steph!”
She turns to see her colleague, Andy Monroe, stumbling over some people nearby to fall into place next to her. His long brown hair falls in front of his face as he sits before glancing up with a grin.
“This place is crazy, right?”
“I can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many accountants in one place.” She leans back on the couch next to her. “Are you nervous at all?”
“Nah,” he smirks as he lounges easily on the couch. “It’s not us who needs to worry. It’s the people we’re auditing.”
“Fair point. I guess I don’t want to make a mistake that might ruin someone’s life, you know?”
“These people are too rich to have their lives ruined.” Andy shakes his head like someone in the Bureau uniform appears in the front of the room. “No matter what we do, they’ll be fine.”
Stephanie isn’t so sure, but the concern disappears as the woman holds up a megaphone and brings it to her lips.
“Good morning, accountants! We are so happy that you could all join us to calculate the winners for this year’s round of Capitalism! As you check-in, you’ll be split into groups by name, and given the introductory tour, as well as shown to the rooms where you’ll be working for the next three weeks. Now, we have a lot to do. Please step forward as you hear your name, starting with the A’s.”
Andy smirks as he nudges her forward. “Guess you better get up there.”
“I’ll try and find you for lunch, okay?” She holds up her closed fist for a fist bump, and he obliges her.
“You got it.”
After saying her goodbyes, she makes her way to the front of the room, approaching one of the workers standing there with a clipboard. The woman, “GAIL” written on her name tag in large bold letters, appraises her before glancing down again. “Name?”
“Alvarez. Stephanie.”
Gail nods, before paging through a collection of lanyards on one arm until she finds the one with Stephanie’s name on it. “This is your security badge and identification. It must be visible while in the building at all times.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She takes the lanyard and throws it over her head. Gail then shoves a manila envelope into her hands.
“That is your onboarding paperwork. While you’re technically working for your employer, this is for our record-keeping to make sure we’re billing them for the correct number of hours.”
“Got it. Anything else?”
Gail shakes her head, gesturing with her pen to the small gaggle of folks gathering with the introductory speaker. “Have at it.”
Stephanie nods as she makes her way over, falling in step next to the rest of the A’s. The original speaker has a nametag that reads “JUDY.” She gives them all a smile when the whole group is together.
“Alrighty then. If you’ll all follow me, we’ll get started.”
The group heads down the hallway to the left, leading in a large circle around the entirety of the building. The first few rooms Judy points out are things like the bathroom or the cafeteria, and Stephanie takes note for herself, but that eventually transitions into something more museum-like as they move towards the first exhibit. The large, ornate portrait features a tall, young man in a suit that seems a little awkward on him, shaking hands with one of the former presidents.
“This is Milton Waller, the originator of the Capitalism program. It’s through his careful planning and data work that we were able to create the program that funds a good portion of our social outreach programs today. Who knew that it would take a young visionary to realize that the answer was as simple as gamifying Capitalism.”
Judy takes a few steps further into the room, before gesturing to the opposite wall, where another large portrait is featured, this time of a bald man who looks equal parts baffled and pained.
“On your left, you’ll see Jeff Bezos, the first Winner of Capitalism in 2025. Through the funds we gained in that first year, we were able to fully fund a housing program that took millions of people off the street and gave them homes of their own.”
They follow through some of the next few rooms, highlighting the first few winners who donated so much wealth to the Capitalism program. All the stories inspire, especially the good the money does, and Stephanie finds herself more energized for the task ahead.
Eventually, Judy herds them into a small workspace, lined with desks and computers for them to get started. “Just pick a seat anywhere,” Judy nods as she waves them all in. “Then, we’ll go over the rules and regulations, as well as our expectations.” It takes a few minutes for them to settle into place, eyes turned attentively to the woman at the front of the room.
“Now, I know you have something daunting in front of you so that I won’t waste too much of your time. You will be responsible for auditing the top corporations in the country. Whoever has accumulated the most wealth will be crowned the winner, but I don’t want you to be concerned about where the client falls on our leaderboard. All we ask of you is correct, accurate numbers.”
It seems simple enough. Go through the profits and make sure that the numbers add up accordingly. Stephanie nods as she rolls her shoulders, settling in to get comfortable.
“What we need for your candidate to be marked as processed and qualify for the leaderboard is simple. We need the amount of their excess wealth, in dollars, that they currently have in their possession. They are allowed certain exemptions – donations to charity, within reason. They keep enough money to successfully run their business and pay their employees at their current salaries. So factor their costs, and whatever is in excess is their number. Whoever has the largest pot at the end of the audit process will be the winner and then donate it to our public programs.”
One of the other accountants raises their hand, and Judy nods to them in acknowledgment. “What about offshore accounts?”
“Yes, those illegal accounts were a problem initially, but most know that that’s not something they can hide from us. If you think something is off with the money flow, bring it to our attention, and we’ll get our agents on it. Same, if you suspect they’re not paying their fair share of the tax bracket, they’ll be penalized for that as well.”
The accountant nods, and Stephanie glances around the room for a moment before raising her hand. “Will the companies be aware of who’s working on what?”
Judy shakes her head. “No, and if any of them approach you, I need you to let us know immediately. Bribery and outside influence are against the rules, and they will be penalized for that as well. Any other questions?” The room falls silent, and she nods. “Good. Then I will leave you to your work. Good luck, and if you run into any trouble, do let us know.”
She leaves the room to attend to the next group, and Stephanie turns to face her computer again. She takes a deep breath, then reaches forward to press the power button on the side.
“Here we go,” she murmurs to herself. “On your mark, get set – math.”
#019 ~ winning capitalism ~ original ~ 1,406
Stephanie Alvarez steps out of the chilly D.C. winter to the warmth of the Bureau of Capitalism. The lobby is full of people, all in varying stages of professional dress, chatting idly with each other as they wait. Adjusting the laptop bag on her shoulder, she wanders further into the room, eyes roaming each of the faces in search of familiar ones. She knows she’s not the only accountant tapped from her firm for the government’s year-end round-up.
She’s never actually participated in the “Christmas Rush,” as her boss likes to call it. Her stomach flutters with a funny rush of nerves and excitement as she looks around the room, picking out the veterans, some camped out on the corners already looking exhausted. Newbies seem to have the same jittery excitement she did, chatting with new colleagues, albeit temporarily, or old friends, depending. She’s wandering over to one of the surprisingly empty couches nearby when she hears her name break over the crowd.
“Steph!”
She turns to see her colleague, Andy Monroe, stumbling over some people nearby to fall into place next to her. His long brown hair falls in front of his face as he sits before glancing up with a grin.
“This place is crazy, right?”
“I can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many accountants in one place.” She leans back on the couch next to her. “Are you nervous at all?”
“Nah,” he smirks as he lounges easily on the couch. “It’s not us who needs to worry. It’s the people we’re auditing.”
“Fair point. I guess I don’t want to make a mistake that might ruin someone’s life, you know?”
“These people are too rich to have their lives ruined.” Andy shakes his head like someone in the Bureau uniform appears in the front of the room. “No matter what we do, they’ll be fine.”
Stephanie isn’t so sure, but the concern disappears as the woman holds up a megaphone and brings it to her lips.
“Good morning, accountants! We are so happy that you could all join us to calculate the winners for this year’s round of Capitalism! As you check-in, you’ll be split into groups by name, and given the introductory tour, as well as shown to the rooms where you’ll be working for the next three weeks. Now, we have a lot to do. Please step forward as you hear your name, starting with the A’s.”
Andy smirks as he nudges her forward. “Guess you better get up there.”
“I’ll try and find you for lunch, okay?” She holds up her closed fist for a fist bump, and he obliges her.
“You got it.”
After saying her goodbyes, she makes her way to the front of the room, approaching one of the workers standing there with a clipboard. The woman, “GAIL” written on her name tag in large bold letters, appraises her before glancing down again. “Name?”
“Alvarez. Stephanie.”
Gail nods, before paging through a collection of lanyards on one arm until she finds the one with Stephanie’s name on it. “This is your security badge and identification. It must be visible while in the building at all times.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She takes the lanyard and throws it over her head. Gail then shoves a manila envelope into her hands.
“That is your onboarding paperwork. While you’re technically working for your employer, this is for our record-keeping to make sure we’re billing them for the correct number of hours.”
“Got it. Anything else?”
Gail shakes her head, gesturing with her pen to the small gaggle of folks gathering with the introductory speaker. “Have at it.”
Stephanie nods as she makes her way over, falling in step next to the rest of the A’s. The original speaker has a nametag that reads “JUDY.” She gives them all a smile when the whole group is together.
“Alrighty then. If you’ll all follow me, we’ll get started.”
The group heads down the hallway to the left, leading in a large circle around the entirety of the building. The first few rooms Judy points out are things like the bathroom or the cafeteria, and Stephanie takes note for herself, but that eventually transitions into something more museum-like as they move towards the first exhibit. The large, ornate portrait features a tall, young man in a suit that seems a little awkward on him, shaking hands with one of the former presidents.
“This is Milton Waller, the originator of the Capitalism program. It’s through his careful planning and data work that we were able to create the program that funds a good portion of our social outreach programs today. Who knew that it would take a young visionary to realize that the answer was as simple as gamifying Capitalism.”
Judy takes a few steps further into the room, before gesturing to the opposite wall, where another large portrait is featured, this time of a bald man who looks equal parts baffled and pained.
“On your left, you’ll see Jeff Bezos, the first Winner of Capitalism in 2025. Through the funds we gained in that first year, we were able to fully fund a housing program that took millions of people off the street and gave them homes of their own.”
They follow through some of the next few rooms, highlighting the first few winners who donated so much wealth to the Capitalism program. All the stories inspire, especially the good the money does, and Stephanie finds herself more energized for the task ahead.
Eventually, Judy herds them into a small workspace, lined with desks and computers for them to get started. “Just pick a seat anywhere,” Judy nods as she waves them all in. “Then, we’ll go over the rules and regulations, as well as our expectations.” It takes a few minutes for them to settle into place, eyes turned attentively to the woman at the front of the room.
“Now, I know you have something daunting in front of you so that I won’t waste too much of your time. You will be responsible for auditing the top corporations in the country. Whoever has accumulated the most wealth will be crowned the winner, but I don’t want you to be concerned about where the client falls on our leaderboard. All we ask of you is correct, accurate numbers.”
It seems simple enough. Go through the profits and make sure that the numbers add up accordingly. Stephanie nods as she rolls her shoulders, settling in to get comfortable.
“What we need for your candidate to be marked as processed and qualify for the leaderboard is simple. We need the amount of their excess wealth, in dollars, that they currently have in their possession. They are allowed certain exemptions – donations to charity, within reason. They keep enough money to successfully run their business and pay their employees at their current salaries. So factor their costs, and whatever is in excess is their number. Whoever has the largest pot at the end of the audit process will be the winner and then donate it to our public programs.”
One of the other accountants raises their hand, and Judy nods to them in acknowledgment. “What about offshore accounts?”
“Yes, those illegal accounts were a problem initially, but most know that that’s not something they can hide from us. If you think something is off with the money flow, bring it to our attention, and we’ll get our agents on it. Same, if you suspect they’re not paying their fair share of the tax bracket, they’ll be penalized for that as well.”
The accountant nods, and Stephanie glances around the room for a moment before raising her hand. “Will the companies be aware of who’s working on what?”
Judy shakes her head. “No, and if any of them approach you, I need you to let us know immediately. Bribery and outside influence are against the rules, and they will be penalized for that as well. Any other questions?” The room falls silent, and she nods. “Good. Then I will leave you to your work. Good luck, and if you run into any trouble, do let us know.”
She leaves the room to attend to the next group, and Stephanie turns to face her computer again. She takes a deep breath, then reaches forward to press the power button on the side.
“Here we go,” she murmurs to herself. “On your mark, get set – math.”