Emily (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
iluvroadrunner6) wrote2006-09-17 11:32 pm
iluvroadrunner6) wrote2006-09-17 11:32 pm
Roger/Carmen - A Woman!
All fics for this table are going to be classified in a series entitled: "Five Moments that Drove Roger and Carmen Back Into the Closet." Or "Back to the Closet" for short.
Fandom: The Producers
Title: A Woman!
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iluvroadrunner6
Rating: FRT
Characters: Roger DeBris/Carmen Ghia
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
2x5obsessions Prompt: the dark things you fear
Content Warning: Ridiculous slash
Summary: Roger fears that Carmen may not be faithful.
Author's Note: This is the reason why Emily doesn't write slash for her other fandoms. Because unless the boys are ridiculously and hopelessly gay, it doesn't really work. At least not at the point where she is right now. Besides, these two are practically women. They don't count as boy slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of from The Producers. They are owned by the genius that is Mel Brooks.
“Oh, Max, it’s just simply terrible,” Roger DeBris stammered as he stumbled into Max Bialystock’s office, blubbering like a school girl who had just found out her crush was seeing another girl. He collapsed down into the man’s casting couch with an overdramatic cry his hand flung against his forehead like a damsel in distress from one of those old time movies.
Max, while not in the mood to deal with Roger at the moment, gave the man a somewhat sympathetic look before walking over to him, “Come now, Roger, you’re—you’re wrinkling your suit.”
Roger looked up at him, and let out a wail, “That’s just what he would say.” Then he burst into loud wet sobs. Max cringed before sitting on the arm of the couch and starting to rub the man’s back lightly, like he did with Little Mrs. Endelstien, when she sporadically burst into sobs about how she missed her darling old Mrs. Endelstein, and Max would sit there, making sympathetic faces, while inside wishing the woman would write him his check, and get the hell off his couch, and right now, he was wishing Roger would do the same.
Especially the check part.
But the minute Max started to pretend to by sympathetic, Roger’s wails got louder, and he threw his arms around Max’s waist and started sobbing into the man’s shirt.
“Roger, Roger,” Max said, refusing to have the flamboyant man’s tears all over the front of his new suit, “Pull yourself together man!” He pulled Roger away from him, and smacked him across the face, a motion he immediately regretted, remembering the effect it had had on Leo. However, the look on Roger’s face was just one of utter shock, and Max was relieved when he didn’t slip into hysterics.
“Oh, you’re right, Max,” Roger replied, pushing away from him and walking towards the window, “It’s just—it’s just awful!”
“Alright now, Roger,” Max sighed, getting up from the couch and brushing off his suit, “Just take a deep breath and tell ol’ Maxie what’s the matter.”
“I think Carmen—” His voice was racked with a shuddering sob before he continued, “—is in love with another.”
“Another?” Max choked back a laugh, “Roger, that’s impossible, Carmen worships the ground you walk on, you know that.”
“Oh, it’s quite possible, Max, I saw it with my own two eyes,” Roger said, turning around, a look of fury on his face, “And to make matters worse it’s—it’s—” He lowered his voice to a whisper, like he was speaking of some unspeakable horror, “—a woman!”
“A woman!” Max was fighting back tears from the laughter he was trying to contain. Carmen Ghia was far to gay to even consider looking at other woman, let alone cheating on Roger with one. “Roger, you’re imagining things. Carmen only has eyes for you, you know that.”
“Oh, but Max you didn’t see them,” Roger said, “The way she was holding him, touching him—I know an intimate embrace when I see one. After all, I’m a Broadway director!” the look of fury returned to his face, and he started to storm towards the door, “He thinks he can get away with this! No one makes a fool out of Roger Elizabeth DeBris! No one!”
Max quickly, moved to stop Roger. The man was scary when he was angry, mostly because it didn’t happen very often, and when it did, things often got out of control very quickly.
“Now Roger, take a moment and think for a second,” Max said, “Don’t you want to hear Carmen’s side of the story, see what is really going on?”
“And what, have him lie to my face!” Roger said, dramatically, “I won’t have it, Max, no I won’t!” He starts to make a rush for the door when he hears voices coming up the hallway. One was disctinctively Carmen’s, while the other was lighter and airier, more like that of a woman. “You see what I mean, Max. I’m about to catch him in the act. He’s bringing his new lover here to meet you!”
“Roger,” Max began, exasperated, “Look, if you really want to catch him in the act, you can’t be seen right when he walks in the door. You’re going to have to hide somewhere.”
“You’re right, Max!” Roger said, still floating on his dramatic high. He scanned the room, looking for a suitable hiding spot, before lowering his voice, “I’ll hide in the closet.” With that, he dashed off to the closet in the far corner of the room, and Max collapsed on the couch behind him.
“Hide in the closet,” he muttered to himself as Carmen came into the room, “Hide in the closet he says.”
“Max, are you alright?” Carmen asked.
“Fine, Carmen, just fine,” Max waved his hand in the other man’s direction, as if to take a seat, “How can I help you?”
“Well, Max, I’m in slight pickle,” Carmen sighed, “There’s this woman that always calls the house, asking for Roger because they spent one hot night together in Tahiti.” Carmen rolled his eyes in disgust, “I mean come on, what kind of tramp—well, never mind. I keep telling her to bug off, but she didn’t listen, so I decided to actually meet her in person.”
Max could tell that this was where the story was going to take a decidedly nasty turn.
“Well, when I arrived, she was the most disgusting hussy I had ever seen. I told her to bug off on Roger once and for all, and you’ll never believe who she started to claim affection for now—” He stifled a gag before continuing, “—me!”
“Oh, no,” Max replied, his face in his hands.
“She follows me everywhere! Home, away from home. If I actually let her in the house she would probably send me into the bathroom for all I know,” Carmen placed his hand on Max’s knee, trying to get the man’s attention, “You’ve got to help me get rid of her, Max. I’m afraid that she’s going to get me into trouble with Roger. If he sees me with her, he might think I’m cheating on him with—” He echoed Roger’s shudder from earlier, and closed his eyes, “—a woman!”
Max opened his mouth to respond, when suddenly a shrill, high pitched voice pierced the air.
“Oh Carmy-poo!”
“Oh, blast it all!” Carmen said, shooting up from his seat, “You’ve got to hide me Max, and fast.” He started glancing around the room wildly, before he spotted the closet on the other end of the room. He dashed for it, but Max was too confused to stop him.
“No, wait, not the—” Max began, but it was too late. Carmen had already disappeared behind the door, “—Not the closet.”
“Oh Carmy-poo, where are you?” Max turned around at the sound of the voice standing in his doorway, and his jaw hit the floor. Standing there was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. He would go so far as to say she rivaled Ulla in her perfection, and that was saying something.
“Yowza!” he said, unable to move. While he was transfixed by her beauty, voice started to sound from the closet.
“Carmen, what are you—”
“Roger? Roger, darling, is that you?”
“Yes, yes it is,” Roger began, somewhat ashamed, “I saw you with that—that trollop and I feared the worse. Tell me, darling. Tell me everything you said in there was true.”
“Every word of it, Roger,” Carmen replied, “Every word.”
“Oh, Carmen!” Roger gasped, the skinnier man falling into his embrace.
“Now tell Trixie,” ‘Trixie’ said, waving her cleavage in front of Max’s face, “Where her Carmy-poo is.”
“Closet,” Max blubbered, watching her body as she walked away from him to open the door of the closet in front of her. She was astonished to find the two men, lodged together in a heated embrace. When Roger noticed all the light that was on them, he pulled away from Carmen briefly, only to shoot Trixie a heated glare, and grab the door knob from her hand.
“Now really!” he said, “Do you mind!” And with that, he slammed the door behind him.
Roger’s outburst snapped Max out of his reverie long enough to realize what was going on in his coat closet.
“I’m going to have to burn everything in there,” he mumbled sadly, “And then, after that, I’m going to have to burn the closet.”
Fandom: The Producers
Title: A Woman!
Author:
iluvroadrunner6Rating: FRT
Characters: Roger DeBris/Carmen Ghia
2x5obsessions Prompt: the dark things you fear Content Warning: Ridiculous slash
Summary: Roger fears that Carmen may not be faithful.
Author's Note: This is the reason why Emily doesn't write slash for her other fandoms. Because unless the boys are ridiculously and hopelessly gay, it doesn't really work. At least not at the point where she is right now. Besides, these two are practically women. They don't count as boy slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of from The Producers. They are owned by the genius that is Mel Brooks.
“Oh, Max, it’s just simply terrible,” Roger DeBris stammered as he stumbled into Max Bialystock’s office, blubbering like a school girl who had just found out her crush was seeing another girl. He collapsed down into the man’s casting couch with an overdramatic cry his hand flung against his forehead like a damsel in distress from one of those old time movies.
Max, while not in the mood to deal with Roger at the moment, gave the man a somewhat sympathetic look before walking over to him, “Come now, Roger, you’re—you’re wrinkling your suit.”
Roger looked up at him, and let out a wail, “That’s just what he would say.” Then he burst into loud wet sobs. Max cringed before sitting on the arm of the couch and starting to rub the man’s back lightly, like he did with Little Mrs. Endelstien, when she sporadically burst into sobs about how she missed her darling old Mrs. Endelstein, and Max would sit there, making sympathetic faces, while inside wishing the woman would write him his check, and get the hell off his couch, and right now, he was wishing Roger would do the same.
Especially the check part.
But the minute Max started to pretend to by sympathetic, Roger’s wails got louder, and he threw his arms around Max’s waist and started sobbing into the man’s shirt.
“Roger, Roger,” Max said, refusing to have the flamboyant man’s tears all over the front of his new suit, “Pull yourself together man!” He pulled Roger away from him, and smacked him across the face, a motion he immediately regretted, remembering the effect it had had on Leo. However, the look on Roger’s face was just one of utter shock, and Max was relieved when he didn’t slip into hysterics.
“Oh, you’re right, Max,” Roger replied, pushing away from him and walking towards the window, “It’s just—it’s just awful!”
“Alright now, Roger,” Max sighed, getting up from the couch and brushing off his suit, “Just take a deep breath and tell ol’ Maxie what’s the matter.”
“I think Carmen—” His voice was racked with a shuddering sob before he continued, “—is in love with another.”
“Another?” Max choked back a laugh, “Roger, that’s impossible, Carmen worships the ground you walk on, you know that.”
“Oh, it’s quite possible, Max, I saw it with my own two eyes,” Roger said, turning around, a look of fury on his face, “And to make matters worse it’s—it’s—” He lowered his voice to a whisper, like he was speaking of some unspeakable horror, “—a woman!”
“A woman!” Max was fighting back tears from the laughter he was trying to contain. Carmen Ghia was far to gay to even consider looking at other woman, let alone cheating on Roger with one. “Roger, you’re imagining things. Carmen only has eyes for you, you know that.”
“Oh, but Max you didn’t see them,” Roger said, “The way she was holding him, touching him—I know an intimate embrace when I see one. After all, I’m a Broadway director!” the look of fury returned to his face, and he started to storm towards the door, “He thinks he can get away with this! No one makes a fool out of Roger Elizabeth DeBris! No one!”
Max quickly, moved to stop Roger. The man was scary when he was angry, mostly because it didn’t happen very often, and when it did, things often got out of control very quickly.
“Now Roger, take a moment and think for a second,” Max said, “Don’t you want to hear Carmen’s side of the story, see what is really going on?”
“And what, have him lie to my face!” Roger said, dramatically, “I won’t have it, Max, no I won’t!” He starts to make a rush for the door when he hears voices coming up the hallway. One was disctinctively Carmen’s, while the other was lighter and airier, more like that of a woman. “You see what I mean, Max. I’m about to catch him in the act. He’s bringing his new lover here to meet you!”
“Roger,” Max began, exasperated, “Look, if you really want to catch him in the act, you can’t be seen right when he walks in the door. You’re going to have to hide somewhere.”
“You’re right, Max!” Roger said, still floating on his dramatic high. He scanned the room, looking for a suitable hiding spot, before lowering his voice, “I’ll hide in the closet.” With that, he dashed off to the closet in the far corner of the room, and Max collapsed on the couch behind him.
“Hide in the closet,” he muttered to himself as Carmen came into the room, “Hide in the closet he says.”
“Max, are you alright?” Carmen asked.
“Fine, Carmen, just fine,” Max waved his hand in the other man’s direction, as if to take a seat, “How can I help you?”
“Well, Max, I’m in slight pickle,” Carmen sighed, “There’s this woman that always calls the house, asking for Roger because they spent one hot night together in Tahiti.” Carmen rolled his eyes in disgust, “I mean come on, what kind of tramp—well, never mind. I keep telling her to bug off, but she didn’t listen, so I decided to actually meet her in person.”
Max could tell that this was where the story was going to take a decidedly nasty turn.
“Well, when I arrived, she was the most disgusting hussy I had ever seen. I told her to bug off on Roger once and for all, and you’ll never believe who she started to claim affection for now—” He stifled a gag before continuing, “—me!”
“Oh, no,” Max replied, his face in his hands.
“She follows me everywhere! Home, away from home. If I actually let her in the house she would probably send me into the bathroom for all I know,” Carmen placed his hand on Max’s knee, trying to get the man’s attention, “You’ve got to help me get rid of her, Max. I’m afraid that she’s going to get me into trouble with Roger. If he sees me with her, he might think I’m cheating on him with—” He echoed Roger’s shudder from earlier, and closed his eyes, “—a woman!”
Max opened his mouth to respond, when suddenly a shrill, high pitched voice pierced the air.
“Oh Carmy-poo!”
“Oh, blast it all!” Carmen said, shooting up from his seat, “You’ve got to hide me Max, and fast.” He started glancing around the room wildly, before he spotted the closet on the other end of the room. He dashed for it, but Max was too confused to stop him.
“No, wait, not the—” Max began, but it was too late. Carmen had already disappeared behind the door, “—Not the closet.”
“Oh Carmy-poo, where are you?” Max turned around at the sound of the voice standing in his doorway, and his jaw hit the floor. Standing there was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. He would go so far as to say she rivaled Ulla in her perfection, and that was saying something.
“Yowza!” he said, unable to move. While he was transfixed by her beauty, voice started to sound from the closet.
“Carmen, what are you—”
“Roger? Roger, darling, is that you?”
“Yes, yes it is,” Roger began, somewhat ashamed, “I saw you with that—that trollop and I feared the worse. Tell me, darling. Tell me everything you said in there was true.”
“Every word of it, Roger,” Carmen replied, “Every word.”
“Oh, Carmen!” Roger gasped, the skinnier man falling into his embrace.
“Now tell Trixie,” ‘Trixie’ said, waving her cleavage in front of Max’s face, “Where her Carmy-poo is.”
“Closet,” Max blubbered, watching her body as she walked away from him to open the door of the closet in front of her. She was astonished to find the two men, lodged together in a heated embrace. When Roger noticed all the light that was on them, he pulled away from Carmen briefly, only to shoot Trixie a heated glare, and grab the door knob from her hand.
“Now really!” he said, “Do you mind!” And with that, he slammed the door behind him.
Roger’s outburst snapped Max out of his reverie long enough to realize what was going on in his coat closet.
“I’m going to have to burn everything in there,” he mumbled sadly, “And then, after that, I’m going to have to burn the closet.”
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by lawby the challenge i just entered to write four more fics for these two. after that, i'll probably wind up writing more. they're too much fun.no subject
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