House MD - Suppertime

[iluvroadrunner6]

this...is not my best work. the plot needs work, and if i had more time i would scrap it and do it over again, but i don't. i'm not posting this all over creation, but i might re-work it a bit at another date, after i've had time to walk away from it a bit and see what i could change.

i am happy (hopefully) with the characterization, and i just wish i had more time to develop it a little more.

Title: Suppertime
Author: iluvroadrunner6
Rating: FRT
Pairing mostly gen, but slight Chase/OC (c’mon, you can’t have Chase not flirt. At least, I can’t.)
Prompt: “Plant”
Content Warning: N/A
Summary: House and company attend a Halloween party with—interesting—results.
Author's Note: Written for the spook_me ficathon. I tried to make this scary, I really did. But I have a feeling it’s more amusing than scary, but what do you expect me to do when you’ve got my brain, the prompt is plant, and I’ve got Little Shop of Horrors on repeat on my iPod. So I decided to give up on making it scary and just have fun with it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of House MD. They're owned by Fox. I also do not own the lyrics to “Monster Mash,” sung by Boris and the Cryptkickers. I also do not own Audrey Two. I do own; however, Mischa and all other original characters, so please do not borrow them without my permission.



“Musicals?”

Cuddy surveyed her troops that were sitting before her. The battlefield was the same, the opponent was the same, but the way they were going to fight had changed somewhat. They had a goal, an aim this time around. They knew what they wanted and they were going to get it, no matter what it took, not matter how long.

“We need a game plan this time around,” Cuddy said as she paced across the front of the conference room, “They have the home court advantage. We’ll have to hit them where they won’t see it coming.”

“You’re talking about this like we’re going to war,” Chase said skeptically, “It’s just a costume party.” A deadening gasp echoed through the room as Cuddy, Wilson and House turned on the end of the room where the three ducklings were sitting. “What?” he said, “It is.” The looks of disbelief continued, and Chase felt like he should have just kept his mouth shut.

“This is not just a costume party, Chase,” Cuddy began, “This is the costume party. Robert Wood Johnson Diagonstics have kicked our ass for best group costume every year, and damnit, this year I want to win.”

“Don’t worry about him,” House said, flashing Chase a look over his shoulder before turning back to Cuddy, “He’ll catch on eventually. He just doesn’t like competition without security. We have more important matters at hand. What did the idiots from RWJ choose for the theme this year? Are we doing ‘classic monster movies’ again?”

“Actually, no,” Lisa said slowly, “The theme this year is—” she swallowed, not really sure she wanted to say this, “—musicals.”

The entire room froze.

“Musicals,” Cameron repeated.

House burst out into loud, crass laughter, until the look her face told him that Cuddy was serious.

“Musicals, huh?” he said, leaning back in his chair, “Well, it’s official. The old hack has finally lost it. So what’s the plan? Gonna put us all in leotards and have us for a chorus line? We all know Chase has great legs, mine might not go over so well.”

“Actually,” Cuddy began, “I was thinking more along the lines of The Wizard of Oz.”

“I hope you’re not planning to go as Dorothy?” he continued with a lecherous grin, “I don’t think the girls could stand to be covered up for that long. Besides, we all know you’re no innocent school girl from Kansas.”

“Actually, no,” Cuddy sighed, “Cameron was going to be Dorothy, I’m Glinda, and I was going to leave it between you boys to sort out who’s going to be who.”

“Funny, Cuddy,” House stated, “You seem more like a Wicked Witch of the West type.”

“Who is our Wicked Witch anyway?” Foreman asked, “You can’t do The Wizard of Oz without a Wicked Witch.”

At that moment, Stacey burst into the room, slightly out of breath, “Sorry I’m late. Things ran longer than I thought they would.”

“Nice choice,” House grinned, “I run in fear every time I see her, and that’s without the green makeup.”

“Be nice to me, House,” Stacey stated evenly, “You might wind up playing my flying monkey.”

House looked at Wilson, and the man shook his head, “Don’t look at me. I’ve already called dibs on the Tinman.”

“You may not get a flying monkey, Stacey,” House said, “If Chase is the Scarecrow and Foreman’s the lion, there has to be someone to play the Wizard.”

“We can forego the Wizard, House,” Cuddy smirked.

“I’m the Scarecrow,” Chase spoke up.

“I’m the Lion,” Foreman said not soon after, and Stacey gave House an evil look.

“Aww. You’ll make such a cute flying bitchmonkey.”

***

“C’mon Chase, you’re already used to it,” House pleaded as he followed Chase through the hallway of the hospital. The blond man had his head in a file, and navigated his way through the clinic, responding to House over his shoulder.

“No, House,” he said dully, as though he had already repeated it a hundred times, “I will not be Stacey’s flying bitchmonkey.”

“I’ll be nice to you for a week.” Chase turned to look at him, and House continued, “OK, you’re right. Scratch that, I’ll give you a raise.”

“With what money?”

“I’ll pay you out of my own pocket,” House said as the man disappeared into one of the clinic rooms, and he followed.

“Dr. Chase, I—” the patient began, but was confused when he saw House enter, “Who’s—”

“He called in a consult,” House replied, and Chase rolled his eyes before bringing his stethoscope to his ears.

“Let me just check your heart rate,” Chase said to the patient, and House continued to speak.

“I’ll take your clinic hours for a week?” When Chase didn’t respond, House upped the ante, “Two weeks? A month?” Chase was still ignoring him, and House was getting frustrated. “Didn’t you hear me?” He reached forward and took the end of the stethoscope out of Chase’s hand, and brought it closer to his mouth, “I’ll take your clinic hours for a month.”

Chase took the end of the stethoscope out of his hand, and pulled it out of his ears. “Yes, I heard you, but the answer is still no.” He backed House out the door, as he continued, “Besides, wasn’t it your idea that I be the Scarecrow?”

“Yes, but—” House began, but Chase’s face disappeared as the door shut, and House was left staring at the blank door. He was ready to open it again, when he heard the click! of the lock.

“Well, it won’t be hard acting for you then, will it, Chase?” he muttered as he hobbled away, “You don’t have a brain to begin with.”



“Monster Mash”

I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

Even they had to admit, the getup for the party was quite impressive. They had managed to transform the ballroom into the lair of Audrey Two, completely with a massive model of the giant, flytrap looking plant that was so realistic that Chase was tempted to reach out and touch it, but there was something in the pit of his stomach that told him not to.

Moving away from the plant, and towards the bar, he watched as the lights spun around them on the dance floor, and spotted Stacey and Cuddy trying to get House and Wilson to get out on the floor and dance with them, but they were having no such luck. House was adamantly refusing, using his leg as an excuse, and Wilson was agreeing with him, saying he had to stay with House to make sure no one killed him. However, the argument was ended with Stacey grasping House by the arm and dragging him towards the dance floor, and what looked like the words ‘Dance, bitchmonkey, dance’ falling from her lips. Wilson, seeing he no longer had an ally or an excuse, accepted Cuddy’s hand and they walked, quite amicably towards the dance floor.

Chase rolled his eyes and turned back to the bar waiting for his drink to arrive. He watched as two of the doctors he recognized as being on the Robert Wood Johnson team, conversed near him, one, a short blond woman, looked rather annoyed, and the other man, tall with dark hair, looked desperate.

“C’mon Rabouin, stay in character.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because the judges like stuff like that,” the man continued. Chase just watched them out of the corner of his eye, amused. He watched the woman roll her eyes.

“Jesus, Johnson, it’s just a Halloween party.”

“You know what, whatever,” he said, before storming off in a huff.

“Thank you,” Chase said as she came over to the bar, “I was beginning to think I was the only one here who realized that.” ‘Rabouin’ shook her head, with a sigh.

“And these are supposed to be some of the smartest adults on the planet,” she stated evenly, before sitting on the barstool next to him and offering her hand, “Mischa Rabouin.”

“Robert Chase,” he said, “So who are you supposed to be anyway?”

“Audrey, sir,” she said, pushing her voice so that she was mimicking the blond from the movie, and he nodded that he got it. “How bout you?” she asked.

“It isn’t obvious?” he frowned, pushing some of the straw that had fallen out of his sleeve back in, “The Scarecrow.”

“It was, but I didn’t want to—offend—you by implying anything,” she sighed.

“It wouldn’t be anything I’m not used to,” he replied, taking a sip of his drink.

“Really?”

“My boss thinks I’m an idiot,” Chase replied, “And he’s quite vocal about it.”

“Mine’s the same, except he thinks I’m a slut,” she sighed, before looking up and giving him a wink, “I guess we’re somewhat in the same boat then aren’t we?”

“I guess we are,” he replied, before taking a glance over to the dance floor where House was staring at him, a look of horror on his face.

“Look at him!” House growled, “Look at him! He’s fraternizing with the enemy!”

“What?” Stacey said, giving House what he assumed was a confused look. It was hard to tell in the dark and with all the green makeup.

“Chase!” he replied, pointing towards, “He’s flirting with Audrey!”

“It is a free country, House,” Stacey replied, “He’s allowed to flirt with whomever he pleases.”

“Go figure he’d choose now to get his rocks off,” House shook his head, “I keep trying to get him out of these situations but does he listen to me? No. He’s probably got ten illegitimate children out there. And he’s broke. That’s never going to work.”

“Oh, would you just shut up and stop worrying about Chase,” Stacey groaned, frustrated, “People are going to think you’re secret lovers or something.”

House shot her a look of disgust, but didn’t say anything. Stacey only gave him a smirk, before an announcement crackled over the speakers.

“Ghouls and gals, if you would all head into the side room, we’ll be announcing the winners of the costume contest now. I’ll repeat if everybody will just head into the side room, we’ll announce the winners.”

Chase looked up and nodded towards the door, “Looks like we’re being summoned.”

“Looks like it,” Mischa replied as the both got up. She picked up her purse, and then noticed something was missing, “I think I left something in the bathroom. Wait for me?”

“Sure,” he shrugged, watching her dart off in the direction of the bathroom. It had been nice to have a conversation with a person who seemed to have actual common sense for a change, and wasn’t all wrapped up in the need to kick the other team’s ass. They were all adults, after all, he couldn’t see why they couldn’t handle it with a somewhat sane frame of mind. But then again, his team did have House on it. And he could never say, without a shadow of a doubt that that man ever had a ‘sane’ frame of mind.

He wandered into the center of the now vacated dance floor, and waited for Mischa to return from the bathroom. He was aware of the sudden silence of the room, but he didn’t see the long dark shadow creeping up along his back. It wasn’t until he felt the strong presence over his shoulder that he turned, and then stumbled backwards in fear, only to be snatched up and disappear into the darkness.

Mischa returned from the bathroom a few moments later, purse in hand, “Robert, I found it—” she began, glancing around briefly for a second, “Robert?” She placed her hands on her hips and a scowl crossed her face. “Asshole,” she muttered, before storming off in the direction of the side room where the awards were being given. A low, rumbling chuckle followed in her wake, and the door closed behind her, emerging the room in darkness.



“Suppertime”

“Where the hell is Chase?” Cuddy growled as she surveyed the group around them. They were short one team member, and unless the whole team was present, they couldn’t collect their prize. If they won. They hadn’t announced it yet. The judge was giving a long winded speech about the meaning of teamwork that none of the contestants wanted to hear, but were going to have to listen to. Her eyes fell on Cameron and Foreman, and she nodded towards the door of the ballroom.

“Go in there and drag his ass out here if you have to.”

“Why do we have to do it?” Foreman asked, and as he was fixed with a glare from the four other members of the group, he blinked once, before nodding, “We’ll be right back.”

“Nice,” Cameron said, as they reached the door of the room.

“Shut up,” Foreman replied as she pulled open the door to the room, and walked into the pitch black, disappearing from his view. “Damn, it’s dark in here,” he muttered, fumbling for the switch on the wall. He heard the click! of the door closing. He As he felt his fingers close on the tip of the switch, a shrill scream filled the air.

“Cameron!” he shouted into the darkness. When he heard no response he flicked on the light, and what he saw brought a look of horror to his face. The next thing he knew, the same tall dark shadow was looming over him and was, in a manner similar to Chase, and Foreman suddenly found himself pulled from view, nails scratching against the linoleum of the floor. As he disappeared into the darkness, a vine slipped across the floor and reached over to flick the switch out.

***

After Foreman and Cameron hadn’t come back, Cuddy sent Stacey and Wilson in after them. The two of them grumbled about it the entire time, but soon disappeared into the dark room. Cuddy waited a little bit longer, glanced at her watch over the insane length of the man’s speech, before giving a growl of anger and nodding to House.

“Go. Get. Them.”

“I’m not as easily swayable as those chumps, Cuddy,” he replied, “You gave up the rights on me being your bitchmonkey when you gave me to Stacey.”

“I sign your paychecks, House.”

“I have tenure. You can’t fire me.”

“Yeah, but I can not sign the check.”

House grumbled something about union rules as he walked towards the room, yanking the door open as he made his way through. The room was well-lit, and completely empty, save for a few objects: a ratty looking broom, a basket and stuffed dog, and an old looking straw hat. He recognized all these objects as being owned by his colleagues, and something suddenly didn’t seem right. His brow furrowed in confusion.

“Alright, this shit ends now,” he shouted into the room, “Cuddy’s sent me in to get you, and I’m not going to play around in whatever little game you’ve got going here, alright? So you get your worthless asses out here right—” He froze when he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He studied the situation for a second, and then looked up.

The giant head of Audrey Two was looming over him, a deep, dark chuckle falling from his lips. House’s eyes went wide in surprise. Then he saw what looked like the corner of the plant’s mouth turn up in a smirk.

“Suppertime,” Twooie said, the evil in his voice unmistakable, before opening his mouth, and clamping down on the crippled doctor. He tossed House around briefly for a second before throwing back his head and swallowing him whole.

Then the plant let out a coughing, sputtering sound, and an old wooden cane, along with a pair of flying monkey wings, landed with a clatter on the tile floor.

***

Cuddy gritted her teeth, fed up with waiting for House to return. She was not in the mood to have herself embarrassed in front of all those people, that she couldn’t even get her team together when they won the damn prize. She knew that they would be wondering how she ever managed to hold her team together when they were back at the hospital.

OK, maybe that wasn’t true.

She knew she was taking things a little too seriously, but Wilson and House held this competition in as much regard as she did, or she at least thought they did. So they were all definitely making an ass out of her for their own amusement. And that she was not going to tolerate.

She stormed over to the door in front of her, and failed to notice the deep, malicious laughter echoing from behind the door as she placed her hand on the knob…

THE END