Emily (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
iluvroadrunner6) wrote2006-09-30 07:59 pm
iluvroadrunner6) wrote2006-09-30 07:59 pm
Sawyer - James Ford
Fandom: LOST
Title: James Ford
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iluvroadrunner6
Rating: FRT
Character: Sawyer
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
2x5obsessions Prompt: wicked truths
Content Warning: Spoilers for "Confidence Man."
Summary: There were brief fleeting moments when he wondered what would have happened if he had kept going. If he had pushed the fact that there was a child involved out to the side and just kept pushing himself to finish the job.
Author's Note: Post-ep for "Confidence Man." Part of my "Five Kinds of Stories" series.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of LOST. They're owned by ABC.
When he adopted the name of his predecessor, he accepted his history as well. ‘James Ford,’ the scared little boy who had watched from under the bed as his father shot himself vanished into the sea of identities and memories and he became Sawyer, a man of smooth words and easy Southern charm. Until that day, that is. Until the day he saw those eight year-old eyes staring at him from around the corner of the room, and James Ford came rushing to the surface like a flood, and there was nothing he could do but run away. Run away from the situation, run away from the fear, run away from making the same choice the Sawyer before him had, and pushing that man to the same place his father had been pushed to.
There were brief fleeting moments when he wondered what would have happened if he had kept going. If he had pushed the fact that there was a child involved out to the side and just kept pushing himself to finish the job. If he had completed the con, just as he had planned, would the outcome have been the same?
Would the man, when he found out not only what Sawyer had done, but also his wife, would he feel so angry, so betrayed, that he would not only turn the gun on his wife, but himself as well? Would he do it all under his son’s observant eyes? He may not be aware that the boy is watching, but they say that children actually see more when you think they’re not paying attention. As the husband sits on his son’s bed and places the gun to his temple, Sawyer wonders if he would know about the scared, wide eight-year old eyes peering out from under the box spring and bedspread.
In that sense of history repeating itself, Sawyer wondered how it would have felt on his end. How would it feel to hear about the thirty-something business man who murdered his wife before blowing his brains out? How would it feel to hear that they left behind a son, eight, who has no other family so he’s being remanded to foster care?
In some ways, he wished he had gone through with it. When he adopted the name, he adopted the history but not the feelings. The persona was incomplete. He needed to know what it felt like to hear about that kind of story and know that you are the cause of it in order to completely become the person he claimed himself to be. If he really was who he said he was, he should have been able to keep going, without a concern for the people involved.
Con men don’t have emotions, at least not as themselves. When they’re playing the game, when they’re rolling the ball, trying to sweet talk their way into a rich wife’s bed or a proud business man’s office, they could have all the emotion in the world. But as themselves, for themselves, they don’t feel anything. They don’t feel grief or love or anger. Sawyer doesn’t feel those things.
But James Ford does.
James Ford doesn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s pain. James Ford doesn’t want to see history repeat itself. James Ford doesn’t want to know about the eight year-old boy who is resigned to the same fate that he was, all those years ago. James Ford feels guilt and compassion and sorrow.
As much as Sawyer hates to admit it, James Ford is still there, his conscience of sorts, burrowing at the back of his brain and trying to keep him from letting history repeat itself. James Ford, that scared little eight year-old boy, hiding under his bed from a father that he didn’t recognize any more, was the one thread that kept him tied to whatever was left of his humanity.
Title: James Ford
Author:
iluvroadrunner6Rating: FRT
Character: Sawyer
2x5obsessions Prompt: wicked truthsContent Warning: Spoilers for "Confidence Man."
Summary: There were brief fleeting moments when he wondered what would have happened if he had kept going. If he had pushed the fact that there was a child involved out to the side and just kept pushing himself to finish the job.
Author's Note: Post-ep for "Confidence Man." Part of my "Five Kinds of Stories" series.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of LOST. They're owned by ABC.
When he adopted the name of his predecessor, he accepted his history as well. ‘James Ford,’ the scared little boy who had watched from under the bed as his father shot himself vanished into the sea of identities and memories and he became Sawyer, a man of smooth words and easy Southern charm. Until that day, that is. Until the day he saw those eight year-old eyes staring at him from around the corner of the room, and James Ford came rushing to the surface like a flood, and there was nothing he could do but run away. Run away from the situation, run away from the fear, run away from making the same choice the Sawyer before him had, and pushing that man to the same place his father had been pushed to.
There were brief fleeting moments when he wondered what would have happened if he had kept going. If he had pushed the fact that there was a child involved out to the side and just kept pushing himself to finish the job. If he had completed the con, just as he had planned, would the outcome have been the same?
Would the man, when he found out not only what Sawyer had done, but also his wife, would he feel so angry, so betrayed, that he would not only turn the gun on his wife, but himself as well? Would he do it all under his son’s observant eyes? He may not be aware that the boy is watching, but they say that children actually see more when you think they’re not paying attention. As the husband sits on his son’s bed and places the gun to his temple, Sawyer wonders if he would know about the scared, wide eight-year old eyes peering out from under the box spring and bedspread.
In that sense of history repeating itself, Sawyer wondered how it would have felt on his end. How would it feel to hear about the thirty-something business man who murdered his wife before blowing his brains out? How would it feel to hear that they left behind a son, eight, who has no other family so he’s being remanded to foster care?
In some ways, he wished he had gone through with it. When he adopted the name, he adopted the history but not the feelings. The persona was incomplete. He needed to know what it felt like to hear about that kind of story and know that you are the cause of it in order to completely become the person he claimed himself to be. If he really was who he said he was, he should have been able to keep going, without a concern for the people involved.
Con men don’t have emotions, at least not as themselves. When they’re playing the game, when they’re rolling the ball, trying to sweet talk their way into a rich wife’s bed or a proud business man’s office, they could have all the emotion in the world. But as themselves, for themselves, they don’t feel anything. They don’t feel grief or love or anger. Sawyer doesn’t feel those things.
But James Ford does.
James Ford doesn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s pain. James Ford doesn’t want to see history repeat itself. James Ford doesn’t want to know about the eight year-old boy who is resigned to the same fate that he was, all those years ago. James Ford feels guilt and compassion and sorrow.
As much as Sawyer hates to admit it, James Ford is still there, his conscience of sorts, burrowing at the back of his brain and trying to keep him from letting history repeat itself. James Ford, that scared little eight year-old boy, hiding under his bed from a father that he didn’t recognize any more, was the one thread that kept him tied to whatever was left of his humanity.